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My name is Keena Hudson and I have been a counsellor in the Sutherland Shire for 20 years. Making an appointment to see a counsellor c...

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Safe People: How to recognise people who are good for you

Many people have put a lot into relationships that left them deeply hurt. They’ve been taken advantage of, and are left with little show for what they’ve given. What’s worse, they tend to either repeat the same mistakes over and over again, or else lock the doors of their hearts to further relationships. How can you pick if someone is going to treat you with respect? After you’ve known a person for a while, look at their behaviour objectively and ask yourself how safe is this person? And how safe are you for others?
Unsafe People
Safe People
Withdraws, criticises or makes you feel guilty
if you disagree with them, or
do something they don’t want you to do.
Respects you even when you
disagree with them or do something
they don’t want you to do.
Listens to you for a bit, and then turns the conversation back to themselves.
Listens to your opinions, comments
and stories with interest.
Take more than they give.
Give as much as they receive.
Not interested in your thoughts and feelings
Have compassion for you.
Holds grudges for a long time.
Ready to forgive you when you do something wrong and genuinely apologise for it.
Have one set of standards for you, and another for them.
Standards of behaviour are the same for both people.
Treats you either like a parent or a like a child.
Treats you like an equal.
May or may not do what they say they will.
Do what they say they will.
Demand your trust and become defensive
when you have a reasonable query.
Earn your trust by being trustworthy.
You don’t like yourself as much when you’re with this person.
Brings out the best in you so you feel stronger and better about yourself.
Either act like they have it all together, or
blame others for their problems.
Admit their weaknesses and take
responsibility for their own behaviour.
Won’t admit when they’ve done the wrong thing. Or apologise with feeling and regret,
but do not change their behaviour over time.
When they have done the wrong thing apologise and work on changing their behaviour.
Deceive others by lying or leaving out
important information.
Tell the whole truth, even when it is difficult.
Tells other people your secrets,
or tells you other people’s secrets.
Keep your secrets safe with them

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